Wineskins Archive

November 23, 2013

Hard Week’s Lamentation (May 2013)

Filed under: — @ 10:46 am and

By Janet Eriksson

This was a hard week.

First of all, I’m tired. It’s been a long, difficult winter season – physically and emotionally. I need a break and can’t seem to find enough rest. I’ve lost the sense of peace I used to carry in my spirit. I feel disconnected from God, from life. I try to walk in transparency and vulnerability, but some days, especially lately, I just want to hide.

This week, I had to do something I didn’t want to do. It crushed me and I feel spent. It made me feel like giving up, at the tail end of a whole season of wanting to give up.

Then I learned of a tragic death within my church family. So unfair. A mother shouldn’t lose a newborn child. Some things are just wrong beyond understanding. Where’s the hope, God? Why does it have to be so hard? Where are You in all this, God? Why do You allow such injustice, such pain?

Sometimes life is just so unbearable, it’s enough to make you want to give up. It feels like there’s no purpose, only despair. There’s too much sorrow and heartbreak and discouragement, too much to fight, and what’s the point? Do You even hear me crying out to You, God? What’s up?

Then I heard His voice, and somehow I started to remember the truth.

I’ve got it inside-out, upside-down and backwards. Forgive me, God.

See, here’s the thing –

We’re born into death. We’re made of dust, in a word that’s fallen away from God. The inheritance of our flesh is sin, and darkness, and absence of life. We’re bound for the grave. The things that make weeks like this so hard – that’s our condition. That’s real.

I don’t need to be asking God why. I know why. My heart is born into darkness. Unredeemed, I’m bound for destruction. I wasn’t just born into it. I’ve chosen it, over and over. Chosen the fear, and the self-hatred, and the abuse. I shouldn’t be surprised and outraged by death and despair. Left to my own strength, that’s my lot.

Where is God? Too often we forget. He is right here with us. Right here, loving us.

See, He wasn’t willing to accept that our lot, that our fate, that our inheritance is death. He didn’t make us for death. We chose it, but He’s not giving up. He has plans, hopes, dreams, desires for us, and He isn’t willing to let those go, no matter how bleak things get, no matter the dead-end paths we’ve chosen.

Right before our eyes, though mostly we don’t see, He is staging a massive rescue operation. He’s not willing to give up on us. He has no desire to leave us in despair. He is moving mountains, beyond anything we can comprehend, to save us from death.

I go through a week like this, and my flesh wants to scream, “God, why!”

My spirit, if I get quiet and listen, tells me something different. My spirit prompts me to say, “God, this is horrible. Sin and death, destruction and desolation, it’s horrible. The way our lives are headed without You – horrible. So God, thank You for stepping in and fighting for us, and for doing things we can’t even imagine to lift us out of this nightmare and to save us.”

He could have left us without hope, headed for eternal death. We wouldn’t have known the difference until it was too late. But He didn’t. He made a plan to save us, and He carried it out Himself. He still is – right here, right now, right before our eyes, though we don’t see. Even on our worst days, He is moving mountains to save us forever, so that He won’t lose us.

We didn’t know to ask. He just did it.

That’s how much He loves us.

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